Should would like to, won't
change the Layout in near future. Still.. I like it!!

sometimes I just don't know what to do.
( and I hate it. )

Well, and it's almost Halloween again.
( and changes crept in )

So sue me if I sound like a spoiled child, but why can't things just work out my way? Or is it just that I don't see it and only see the cracks and failures?

I f***ing hate crying. It leaves me too damned drained. Unreasonable. Tired. Confused. Mad. Numb. Hate to smile right now. Guess sometimes keeping silent is not the best way to go.

Just right now, I don't care how lowly you might think of me then. I just want to talk. Get ugly, maybe. Be as selfish as I can.

Well, nothing good ever happens after two a.m..( is what Ted said. )

FInally saw Magnus today - I think I like him, they are almost disgustingly cute (You heard that, Ina!) and me and P. behave like an old, stern and shy couple ext to them, but still *grinning madly* it was fun ^^

- CoG finally arrived and it was great
Kate Daniels Series and Midnight's Daughter are also so very very great... makes me want to abandon rl and just.... drown in all the loveliness and  gruesome details xDD

There's a rant coming on, and lots of it are about a certain someone.... not sure if it's safe reading.... but still, had to write it down.

( It's weird how freaked out one can get and yet be happy about it. :) )
- Should have taken my toothbrush and stayed over instead of trying to learn at home. It's not working.

- Heard 'How many licks' by Lil'Kim. am FREAKED OUT. not the wheee-kind-of-freaky.

So I had my last EXAM yesterday!!!
PARTAAAY!! was yesterday evening, seems like I did lots of stupid things.___. including calling the boyfriend and ranting and being generally totally confusing to the sane mind. Friend of mine called him 5 mins later... and then they spread the rumour that he was having a fling.... and I asked rather loudly why he would be snogging with a guy.. :D but that was just me being mean.

So thing is that CoG should be arriving here any moment, and I log in to amazon and realise they haven't even sent it yet.
Imagine my dismay. No really... I can't believe this would happen!! Okay, that gives me more reason to finally finish my Internship report, but still.... I don'T wanna write about the stupid company, I wanna read CoG, dammit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*hyped up*
So many things to do, so little time, and all I really want to do is read that damn book and revel in all the lovely Jaceness!!!

another day to go, and I can't help my nerves....
This time, it's not even about hoping for a good grade, it's simply about passing. Even though a good grade would be appreciated, I kinda think it'll be way too though.

Did I ever say that I hate to be dependent? In any way? Maybe it's me being a control-freak or just nerves, but still... hateithateithateit. And you people ask why I am an emotional retard.
Nope, I don't make ayn sense.. it's okay ^^; I just want this learning nightmare to be over soon.

Okay, still two exams to go. Results so far:
B+, A-, B, B....
It's slightly depressing cause I know I could have done much better if I'd put more effort into studying. Yeah... and the one exam where I feel like passing could be too damn hard is less than a week away. ... I going into recluse mode.

going up the walls here.
I want my exam results... desperately.
And I need to learn. Physics isn't far away.

I just got out of my maths exam and started drinking.
And I can talk about absolute convergence, induction, rules of derivation at the verge of being drunk quite soberly. Yeah man, I rock!!
Smirnoff Ice is the best alcoholic beverage ever. Maybe even the best beverage in general. :D downed like a fourth liter in 10 minutes, and I'm feeling slightly woozy... got An on the phone, and I was like 'Ja, gleich in der Tasch.. Schat.. Stadt!' :D so baaaaaaaaad... I'm not making any sense here, I now. At least it's a pleasant sort of drunkeness.

Since someone decide to leave for hometown, I have no one to chat with .___. mebbe I'll get enough sleep these days. Then again... bring on the party!!
COZ AN IS BACK IN TOOOOOWN!! And I'm going to see her later!! Mwahaha~
The freakiest thing happened anyway. At two a.m.: P. wants to go to BED. He, who seemingly never sleeps at night and makes fun of me when I'm tired at four a.m.... So finally, I won!! =D And I was awake at 8.30 without any help! I decided these are the signs for a good day. x3~

Bought a 0.7l bottle of Smirnoff Ice. Will return later to buy more :D Just for the next pre-partay-fun.

my brothers are cute.
They started to ask me whether I had taken a love interest. .... ..... I was speechless when they reminded me that they had also told me about their crushes. Gyah.
And then the talk went .. wrong... and they started talking to themselves about Oja. *headdesk*
In the end, the little one told me he'd beat up anyone who doesn't treat me nicely. Aaaw-moment, anyone? I then was informed he'd chucked a snowball into the balls of a 16-year-old when he was like 6.
..... ..... ..... I think they're cute :D

aaaaaaaaahaaaa..
so we had a Capoeira show today, and anticipating some kind of action, I actually learned a new move with involves a split (the only thing I seem to do well... these days) .
In the end, I didn't manage to do it cause I panicked, but it was fun anyway. The vietnamese community had their new year's celebration, and we went to bat for the brasos provided some action and contrast to the rather traditional program. It was nice, even though I missed most of it because we were preparing, warming up and (as usual) goofing around.
And I did the show without my glasses - because I wanted to try it out and not risk the possibility of having my glasses fly around à la flayne. (sorry, that reminder was mean..)

anyway, the show was short and sweet, Juninho was back in action and due, I am still in awe. Due to the show being kind of very short, we made an improptu roda down in the changing room.. which was - once again - the Mensa II. Some tables aside, three berimbaus and two pandeiros - we were quite loud, and since no one found the switch, we were surrounded by semi-darkness. Never had such a creepy yet fun roda. :D will remember now whenever I walk down there - after all, it was also the unisex changing room where lagosta runs around asking for some deodorant when he didn't even participate in the game...
was quite hyped afterwards - good mood, squeals, the hibbilitis too. Aaaaaaaah.. am tired now, but still online, chatting. I think someone is very amused with my random flashes of 'wheee' and ups and downs. And got spammed by youtube links. It's bad when my stomach hurts from laughing too much!
It's just too bad I don't know what to do - even though I might have realised what I want. I still think I can change my opinion, though.

Talked with An and miss her. Am glad she's not too far away and coming back soon. Haven't talked with Ina for some time, and I am thinking I might be a bad friend at times - I don't want everyone to spread out and loose them, even if I do know that that is also part of growing up and all the blaaaaaa I don't want to hear.

Yeah, so I had my first real 'exam' yesterday and I kind of lost interest and motivation after like... 10 minutes. It was boring, it was annoying, and I was sick of the St. Galler Management Concept. Or how to describe Change Management.
The mutliple choice things were just kind of too much and they had grammar mistakes and other rather sad mistakes in the text. After some time, I also had a headache coming. So I spent like an half hour just staring out of the window and practicing penspinning. Yeeeha!
... I hope I passed it. Bene says I would have been his most awesome nonchalant heroine forever if I'd just kept doing the not-working-part until the end.
Thing is, it would majorly SUCK to re-do the exam.

Anyway to celebrate the final installment of the mostly hated KOE, we went to PARTAY. Facts:
Nightlife; Ärzte; lots of friends; 98-Cent-party. Disturbed. Uh ah ah ah!!!
Had a lot of fun, even though my neck hurts and my chucks are completely mucky and I have various bruises and nearly lost my teeth in a quite enthusiastic pogo session. Lucas also went kind of overboard... *sighs* And he wasn't even that drunk. Also met Sanji and Juljia in there, along with my wayward tutor and lots of other kiddos I knew.
Just kind of missed An... o>_<o Moooou. Yeah well, have the next exam in less than 2 weeks comping up. Chemistry. Outta learn.

Happy chinese new year!!!
xD
hope all of you are having fun, hm~ ^^
may we enjoy a great year of the ox... .... ....

(@flayne: My back hurts. I think boxing was too much)

I am so completely screwed... at least it feels like that -.-
No, seriously, I have to say that I haven't felt this... out-of-mee and OOC for some time.
And I am kinda realising how fast time flies and how I should work more, concentrate more on my friends and do actual sensible things.

Yiou know, like getting over slight obsessions... even though it feel to damn nice....
I am going to a party - good thing. The party is located somewhere near Cologne - not so cool. Daaaaaaaaaaaaamn it, that all I gotta say on that matter. How could I miss that, now? -.-
To go or not to go....
That's the question. And my slight ... ehm.. obsession is so clouding my judgement.
*scowls* It's so pathetic, it's not even fun.

I grabbed music from a friend.
... And realized it was TECHNO. Yeah, some jumpstyle, okay, but some of it ... T.E.C.H.N.O. -.-
Imagine my delight. Not.
So I began deleting... and my brother suddenly howled because I'd deleted 'the awesome music' .... .... yeah, the brother who kind of liked Disturbed some time ago. I am suffering right here.
... I might deny that I know him in future.
and that would be random post the x-th.
BUT!
I got a portable hard drive for christmas =3 muaaahahaha. And that's why I am building my empire. Doesn't change the fact that I am currently sifting through the things.
My ears....

New year is soon around, and while I have kinda neglected LJ for christmas...

HAPPY NEW YEAR!! to all of you!
May 2009 be a wonderful year of the ox!^^

... Dude. I looked it up.
I spent something like 72 EUR on amazon for books and things. O.O
Dude....
No wonder I've got no money.
..............
.......................
Gyah. *headdesk*